Recent Addiction: Watching semi-pirated episodes of hit British car-show Top Gear, which basically consists of Jeremy Clarkson and his two partners in crime travelling around the world, driving really fast cars, really quickly. And every once in a while they'll do something jaw-droppingly ridiculous/awesome, like drive to the North Pole in a modified Toyota pickup just to prove that they can.
This is Jeremy Clarkson. At this point, I see no reason for you to continue reading this post when you could be watching more of him here.
Recent Addiction-Inspired-Addiction: Watching three Brits drive around really fast made me want to put on an accent and drive around really fast, too, but given my lack of a car, job, and guts, I instead picked up Forza 2 (a platinum hit for just $19.95!) for Xbox 360. I've been playing it up to three hours a day, and though it's not quite the same as real life racing, at least I don't have to worry about, out of many things, killing myself.
Recent Conclusions from Recent Addictions: People who drive recklessly on public roads are stupid. (And by reckless, I don't mean going 30mph in a 20mph zone, or only stopping semi-completely at stop signs. I mean criminally idiotic.)
Did you know that the word "reckless" is derived from the Greek word "wreckless" or "wreck-less"? Because when the firefighters drag your wrecked car and dead body from the side of the road, that's one less wreck for rubber-necking passerbys to admire.
No one's impressed by your speeding, because putting your foot down on the accelerator is about as skillful as, um, putting your foot down on the accelerator. It's not much of a testament to your car either, given that a $12,000 Toyota Yaris has a top speed more than twice the 60mph speed limit. And if you think that getting some wheelspin while turning through a 6-lane intersection at 45mph in the middle of the night with your 150-horsepower, automatic transmission, front-wheel-drive sedan is unbelievably baller, well you're wrong. It just means your tires suck.
Someone who speeds on public roads is like...a middle-aged blind man running frantically around a Home Depot. Naked. While setting off firecrackers. Because first of all, no one wants to see that. No one is impressed. Not only does he have a great chance of impaling himself on a power saw, he's also likely to seriously injure some innocent shoppers. And when he does find his genitals wedged between a couple of two-by-fours, or when the cops come and tackle him into the fertilizer aisle, everyone else in the store is going to be LOL-ing.
The naked, blind, firecracker-shooting man in Home Depot after two laps around the store.
So please, all you potential speedsters, slow down. Make all our lives a little easier and safer. And if you're ever feeling that itch for speed, try driving slower and more efficiently, save twenty bucks of gas, and go get yourself a copy of Forza 2.
This is Jeremy Clarkson. At this point, I see no reason for you to continue reading this post when you could be watching more of him here.
Recent Addiction-Inspired-Addiction: Watching three Brits drive around really fast made me want to put on an accent and drive around really fast, too, but given my lack of a car, job, and guts, I instead picked up Forza 2 (a platinum hit for just $19.95!) for Xbox 360. I've been playing it up to three hours a day, and though it's not quite the same as real life racing, at least I don't have to worry about, out of many things, killing myself.
Recent Conclusions from Recent Addictions: People who drive recklessly on public roads are stupid. (And by reckless, I don't mean going 30mph in a 20mph zone, or only stopping semi-completely at stop signs. I mean criminally idiotic.)
Did you know that the word "reckless" is derived from the Greek word "wreckless" or "wreck-less"? Because when the firefighters drag your wrecked car and dead body from the side of the road, that's one less wreck for rubber-necking passerbys to admire.
No one's impressed by your speeding, because putting your foot down on the accelerator is about as skillful as, um, putting your foot down on the accelerator. It's not much of a testament to your car either, given that a $12,000 Toyota Yaris has a top speed more than twice the 60mph speed limit. And if you think that getting some wheelspin while turning through a 6-lane intersection at 45mph in the middle of the night with your 150-horsepower, automatic transmission, front-wheel-drive sedan is unbelievably baller, well you're wrong. It just means your tires suck.
Someone who speeds on public roads is like...a middle-aged blind man running frantically around a Home Depot. Naked. While setting off firecrackers. Because first of all, no one wants to see that. No one is impressed. Not only does he have a great chance of impaling himself on a power saw, he's also likely to seriously injure some innocent shoppers. And when he does find his genitals wedged between a couple of two-by-fours, or when the cops come and tackle him into the fertilizer aisle, everyone else in the store is going to be LOL-ing.
The naked, blind, firecracker-shooting man in Home Depot after two laps around the store.
So please, all you potential speedsters, slow down. Make all our lives a little easier and safer. And if you're ever feeling that itch for speed, try driving slower and more efficiently, save twenty bucks of gas, and go get yourself a copy of Forza 2.
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