Once upon a time, I thought that "money" was synonymous with "power". I thought that if Bill Gates just kept investing in the stock market, he would one day swallow everyone else's bank accounts and become a world dictator. I hoped that I would earn enough money throughout my career to buy a tropical island from Bill Gates after he took over the world. And I worked hard to make that dream a reality.
But thanks to the strange wonder that is democracy, quite a significant number ofretards (sorry, that word is insensitive) criminally underqualified neo-Democratic terrorists (CUNTs) have now been chosen to run our country. And because of their infinitely nonexistent wisdom, combined Federal and State income tax for a top-earning Californian is creeping over 50%, not to mention the myriad of sales, property, capital gains, and estate taxes that've been shoveled into our tax code. But that's not even the bad part, because the CUNTs are now going to be taking that money and giving it to a homeless illegal immigrant to feed his Nyquil addiction. Though this isn't exactly the first example of American socialism, it just proves once again that you really are better off being poor.
So what now? Is there any point in even trying to earn a good wage anymore?
Nah.
A sensible man might try to run for political office instead. But then again, no one sensible is going to win an election in this country.
So you know what I'm going to do? You guessed it: start my own religion.
You see, religion, I believe, is now the only way to have the best of both worlds: to get both money and power; to have my cake, eat it, and then throw it in Nancy Pelosi's face, too. I'm not going to pull a Catholicism and ask for donations, nor am I going to declare myself the fourth Prophet. But if I can convince enough followers to have my religion formally recognized by the IRS, then I think we might be able to come up with something world-changing.
I haven't worked out all the details yet - like for instance, its name. I could name it "Zhangism" after myself, but that sounds too Oriental and I don't want to be inadvertently attracting the neo-Yogi white-mom crowd. Nor have I really concocted an inane creation myth. But for now, I'll just sketch out some basic tenets of the Church of JRZ (to be later amended):
1. Charitable donations are tax-deductible. Every Follower must donate his entire gross, pre-tax income to my Church.
2. Taking out a loan is tax-deductible. My Church will grant every Follower a zero-interest loan equal to his donation.
3. Business expenses are tax-deductible. Every Follower must have his own registered business. He must make as many of his purchases business-related as possible.
4. In any election (federal, state, regional, municipal, etc.), every Follower must support the candidate who promises the lowest taxes.
5. Stealing from another Follower is not permitted. Stealing from any person or organization with socialist tendencies is encouraged (e.g. the CUNTs in Washington, a university with an overzealous financial aid program), to a degree corresponding to the severity of that person's/organization's socialist practices.
6. Followers must abuse government wealth-redistribution programs (Medicare, welfare, social-security) as much as possible.
And that's all for now. You get the point. Now if I can just come up with four more and find some rocks or golden plates to scratch these on...
But thanks to the strange wonder that is democracy, quite a significant number of
So what now? Is there any point in even trying to earn a good wage anymore?
Nah.
A sensible man might try to run for political office instead. But then again, no one sensible is going to win an election in this country.
So you know what I'm going to do? You guessed it: start my own religion.
You see, religion, I believe, is now the only way to have the best of both worlds: to get both money and power; to have my cake, eat it, and then throw it in Nancy Pelosi's face, too. I'm not going to pull a Catholicism and ask for donations, nor am I going to declare myself the fourth Prophet. But if I can convince enough followers to have my religion formally recognized by the IRS, then I think we might be able to come up with something world-changing.
I haven't worked out all the details yet - like for instance, its name. I could name it "Zhangism" after myself, but that sounds too Oriental and I don't want to be inadvertently attracting the neo-Yogi white-mom crowd. Nor have I really concocted an inane creation myth. But for now, I'll just sketch out some basic tenets of the Church of JRZ (to be later amended):
1. Charitable donations are tax-deductible. Every Follower must donate his entire gross, pre-tax income to my Church.
2. Taking out a loan is tax-deductible. My Church will grant every Follower a zero-interest loan equal to his donation.
3. Business expenses are tax-deductible. Every Follower must have his own registered business. He must make as many of his purchases business-related as possible.
4. In any election (federal, state, regional, municipal, etc.), every Follower must support the candidate who promises the lowest taxes.
5. Stealing from another Follower is not permitted. Stealing from any person or organization with socialist tendencies is encouraged (e.g. the CUNTs in Washington, a university with an overzealous financial aid program), to a degree corresponding to the severity of that person's/organization's socialist practices.
6. Followers must abuse government wealth-redistribution programs (Medicare, welfare, social-security) as much as possible.
And that's all for now. You get the point. Now if I can just come up with four more and find some rocks or golden plates to scratch these on...
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