The worst part about travelling is flying, and the worst part about flying is sitting. So before I left for my trip, I definitely was not looking forward to the five million hours of bad lumbar support, two millimeter leg room, the greasy guy with head lice in front of you reclining his seat into your mouth, and the sheer, insufferable boredom. I am, however, glad to inform you that significant progress has been made in reducing passenger discomfort.
I flew with Cathay Pacific, an airline that I've never heard of but who apparently won some Airline of the Year award a couple years ago, and it's easy to see why. First off, they have clamshell seats that slide down to recline (instead of reclining to recline) so you don't have to worry about head lice in your mouth. And secondly, not only does each seat have a private viewing screen, but you can also choose what you want to watch, whenever you want. Holy crap! I think I'm going to need a clean-up on Aisle 3 just thinking about that again.
Why there's a coat hanger button I have no idea.
There's movies, TV shows, news programs, music, and for those heavily brain-damaged among us who who want to intentionally bore themselves even further on an already insufferable sixteen-hour flight, there's also a program that tracks the plane's progress on a very, very, very, very slow-moving map of the world. It shows you all the information that a sane person would never want to know, like how the temperature outside the plane at 11,215 meters while travelling at 701 mph is -50 C and that you're still exactly 420,398 miles from your destination ten hours into your flight.
The entertainment selection probably sucks, you say? I assure you, with a library of classic movies like Shawshank and Space Odyssey to new releases like Star Trek and Watchmen, plus episodes of everything from 30 Rock to House to Family Guy, you'll feel like Kirstie Alley in a candy store, or a Catholic priest who just got hired as a substitute teacher for the local kindergarten. So no longer do you have to pass the time trying to sleep in a painfully contorted pretzel, you can now pass the time watching Vin Diesel beat up Mexican drug dealers.
For each movie that I remember watching, or that I didn't fall asleep in the middle of, I shall now attempt a 140-character, Twitter-esque review:
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Fun. Exciting. EXPLOSIONS. I want Wolverine's powers. EXPLOSIONS. Hugh Wolverine Jackman is a badass. EXPLOSIONS.
Ocean's 13
More of the same Ocean's formula. Which means more wickedly cool and unbelievably suave good bad guys.
God of Gamblers
Classic HK comedy, Chow Yun Fat + Andy Lau being idiots = hilarity. Monty Python fans will like.
And finally, my groundbreaking attempt to review two movies in one Twat:
Push/Fast and Furious
Horrible acting. Hilarious special FX. Cheesy stories. White guys beat up mex/black/chinese baddies. Hot girl leads who look really alike.
On the left, Jordana Brewster from Fast and Furious; on the right, Camilla Belle from Push. On a small screen ten hours past your usual bedtime they start looking exactly the same.
I flew with Cathay Pacific, an airline that I've never heard of but who apparently won some Airline of the Year award a couple years ago, and it's easy to see why. First off, they have clamshell seats that slide down to recline (instead of reclining to recline) so you don't have to worry about head lice in your mouth. And secondly, not only does each seat have a private viewing screen, but you can also choose what you want to watch, whenever you want. Holy crap! I think I'm going to need a clean-up on Aisle 3 just thinking about that again.
Why there's a coat hanger button I have no idea.
There's movies, TV shows, news programs, music, and for those heavily brain-damaged among us who who want to intentionally bore themselves even further on an already insufferable sixteen-hour flight, there's also a program that tracks the plane's progress on a very, very, very, very slow-moving map of the world. It shows you all the information that a sane person would never want to know, like how the temperature outside the plane at 11,215 meters while travelling at 701 mph is -50 C and that you're still exactly 420,398 miles from your destination ten hours into your flight.
The entertainment selection probably sucks, you say? I assure you, with a library of classic movies like Shawshank and Space Odyssey to new releases like Star Trek and Watchmen, plus episodes of everything from 30 Rock to House to Family Guy, you'll feel like Kirstie Alley in a candy store, or a Catholic priest who just got hired as a substitute teacher for the local kindergarten. So no longer do you have to pass the time trying to sleep in a painfully contorted pretzel, you can now pass the time watching Vin Diesel beat up Mexican drug dealers.
For each movie that I remember watching, or that I didn't fall asleep in the middle of, I shall now attempt a 140-character, Twitter-esque review:
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Fun. Exciting. EXPLOSIONS. I want Wolverine's powers. EXPLOSIONS. Hugh Wolverine Jackman is a badass. EXPLOSIONS.
Ocean's 13
More of the same Ocean's formula. Which means more wickedly cool and unbelievably suave good bad guys.
God of Gamblers
Classic HK comedy, Chow Yun Fat + Andy Lau being idiots = hilarity. Monty Python fans will like.
And finally, my groundbreaking attempt to review two movies in one Twat:
Push/Fast and Furious
Horrible acting. Hilarious special FX. Cheesy stories. White guys beat up mex/black/chinese baddies. Hot girl leads who look really alike.
On the left, Jordana Brewster from Fast and Furious; on the right, Camilla Belle from Push. On a small screen ten hours past your usual bedtime they start looking exactly the same.
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